Meet PIXIE! Author, Worldbuilder, Performer, and Cozy Chaos Witch

Welcome, adventurers ... you have found your way to the coziest corner of the internet.

In true chaotic fashion (I do live up to the "chaos" part of my name) it has been over a year since I posted ANYTHING here on my blog. Which ... as an author ... is a bit embarrassing. I mean I know I write SLOW, but I shouldn't take THAT long between posts, right? In theory, I have more things worth talking about than a yearly gap would lead one to believe ... hell, I definitely have more OPINIONS than my extended silence reflects.

So, let's try this again! A fresh start, a fresh post, and a fresh introduction. I'M PIXIE! Now let's get to know a little bit about me.

If you're here, you've most likely found me one of three ways: My Twitch streams, my books and handmade dice, or my truly sporadic internet presence elsewhere on social media. And while I am very genuinely and unapologetically ME in all of those places, it's hard to keep all the versions of me straight from post to post. On Twitch, for instance, I talk about very different parts of my life than on Instagram. So, by way of quick and simple introduction, here's some THINGS ABOUT ME that I'd love to dive into a little deeper in future posts.

I'm so Autistic my cat has Autism

Did you know pets can mimic their owners' mental or physical health issues? To the point where they develop SYMPTOMS THAT MIRROR OUR DISORDERS? It's a pack mentality and a survival thing, I am sure. I'd have to look deeper into it. All I know is, as a late-diagnosed Autistic woman (didn't know until my 30s) my husband started noticing that my cat was ... peculiar. In ways that were oddly unique to ME, THE HUMAN. And in the moments where I used to gaslight myself even post diagnosis as "not being Autistic enough," my husband Cody would remind me (with loving humor) "Baby, you're so Autistic you gave your CAT Autism!" And it weirdly helps with the imposter syndrome.

I am exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up

My hobbies and passions used to change daily, but by the time I was in middle school I had pretty much settled on two actual career paths: I wanted to be a writer, and I wanted to be an actor. The path and process have both changed a LOT since I was 11, and it may not be quite what I imagined (or HOW I imagined) but we rarely understand our own dreams when we are children. And just because it's different than I expected doesn't mean it's not still the dream. 11-year-old Pixie would be very, very proud of us.

I'm Polyamorous, that doesn't mean I'm "easy"

There are so many misconceptions about the whole idea of open marriages. And polyamory/non-monogamy in general. I can talk to you all at length about it, and I'm sure that I will. But for now, all you need to know -- or, rather, all I feel the need to share -- is that this choice was entirely mutual, my husband and I are both incredibly happy together, and we are happy to help educate anyone who asks. Neither of us are looking to steal your partners away from you, and just because we're being friendly doesn't mean we're hitting on you. Polyamory hasn't "saved our relationship," the relationship didn't ever need saving. But it has saved us as individual people. We both found we are healthier, happier, and more comfortable in our own skins when we aren't trying to be everything for one specific person. It works very well for us, but that doesn't mean everyone fits into this particular relationship orientation. Again, I'm happy to answer questions. I'm happy to dive into these issues in as many posts, comments, or responses as it takes to help de-stigmatize my life. But I am not ashamed of it.

The 10th Chronic Illness is free, right?

We have a running joke in my house about having enough things "wrong" with me that I deserve a punch card from the hospital. I won't bore you all with the list right now, but each of them are what's called a "Dynamic Disability." That means the things I can comfortably do one day I can't necessarily do the next. My needs are constantly in flux, how much I can do on a "good" day vs a "bad" day changes so regularly I can't keep up, and all of my various chronic illnesses and disabilities seem to intertwine and basically just piss each other off. Learning to exist within my own body is a lifelong learning process, and it gets in the way of every aspect of my life. But I don't let it stop what I'm trying to achieve. Sometimes it slows the process down, by YEARS in fact, but I'm still going. For as long as I can, however I can. These illness are part of my daily life, however, and they are a big part of the reason I don't have any consistency in my content creation. Following my platforms often means months of regular posting followed by years of sporadic, if any, activity at all. But the finished product is worth it, in my opinion. And in the opinions of my fans and readers who DO stick around.

My emotions don't have an "indoor voice"

There is so much more to learn about the chaos that is Kaitlin "Pixie" Bellamy. And I'm happy to tell you all whatever you want to know. But at the end of the day, I am destructively passionate. My emotions are all-consuming, often overwhelming, and my whole body responds to them. I love with all of me. I hate with all of me. The joy you see from me is genuine, as are the tears. What you see is exactly what you get: raw, real, and ridiculous. But it's taken me a long time to learn to be myself again. Years of trying to bury what I was and hide the things I actually loved about myself wrecked me, and I'm still healing from that. And I think that's what makes me so honest on the internet. Honest about my wins AND my losses. My successes AND my failures. As honest as I can be, so I don't lose myself again. So people have to work to misunderstand me, instead of work to get to know me. I'm the most open book I possibly can be, and I'm grateful you're all here to turn the pages.